***If you are visiting this page for the first time, please do look at the previous posts in this section. This is my story and it will all make more sense if you begin to read where I began to write***
The advice to share my past trauma with my youngest brother and my sister was coming at me from all directions, including from my counsellor on that first visit. Why my youngest brother? The brother two years younger than me has suffered from MS for many years and he just wouldn’t be able to cope with the hurt I would have to inflict. It was clear that I needed to enlist the help of the other two though, if I was to deal with the demons overtaking my every waking moment. But how could I do it? I’d protected them from the truth all these years. They were now both in their fifties and I just hoped and prayed that they could both cope with what I was about to divulge.
I decided to meet with them individually. I can’t exactly say why, it just seemed easier for me to do it that way. I needed to go so very carefully with this and I had no idea if they had any incline of the secrets I was about to divulge. Was I going to totally destroy their memories of their parents?
Both meetings were heart wrenching and many tears were shed. I met with my brother first.
Although they were very young, they could both remember something of the affair dad had in 1974, because they remembered him leaving us. My brother recalled running out of the house when he found out. But what they had no idea of at all, were mum’s subsequent attempts to take her life, they had no idea about dad’s earlier affair, or the fact that the woman was my brother’s Godmother. And they most certainly didn’t know about anything that had happened to me. I still couldn’t share all the details of that. It was hard enough using the words ‘assault’ and ‘abuse’.
It broke my heart to see how upset and shocked they both were about how their dad had behaved. They were heartbroken to hear about how he had treated their mum and also about what I’d been through in the process. But most of all, they were both instantly and wonderfully supportive and have been throughout the process. I couldn’t have asked for more from these two lovely people and their partners.
The most significant decision made between the three of us was that I should stop visiting dad whilst I dealt with all the hurt and the trauma. This was a massive step for us all, as I had been the one visiting three times a day and it would put extra pressure, not only upon them, but also on my husband. We also agreed that we needed to seek some sort of care package for dad. His admission to hospital shortly after this was to make the application for Attendance Allowance and the transition to carers a little easier.
